It's End.....

it's END....
tat's it...
=(

愛しています=(

it's been a long time i nvr log in to write my blog,
i thought ....
i thought all have settled down,
but it's not...
T.T
i'm so moody,
damn sad...
yup!!!
finally u accept me as ur fren in facebook,
finally u dare to face me...
but so wat?!
u said u dowan waste my time,
and i'm insist i don think tat i'm wasting my time on u....
u not believe
>.<
and u said u better off to treat me as a "best fren"
wtf?!
it's hard to let me accept tis role,
serious shit....
i'm pissed off bout tis case
!!!!
at last i still got to follow ur request,
dowan u to get suffer from tat...
so SAD...
u know tat i really LOVE u....
T.T
i really MISS tat moment ,
although 1 in m'sia and another 1 in canada....
but!!!
we got a "SWEET" moment too...
my mind keep on reminiscence those moment,
and my tears's dropping down to my cheek....
=(
sad...damn sad...
i dream bout u recently,
i swear!!!
i dream bout u twice...
u have changed a lot,seriously...
ur attitude to me is getting "numb"....
mayb after u saw my look getting more ugly???
or
u have lost feeling on me???
i dono...
"GOD"
please....
give me the answer-WHY???!!!!
it's DAMN hard to calm down my sadness,
it seems like "the LOVE" between u & me has gone.....
serious shit!!!!
FUCK
!!!
it seems like we can't go back to the "SWEET moment",
i miss tat a lot...
but
!!!!
the "passion of my love" to u had not changed,
i SWEAR!!!!
i'm not reluctant to leave,
can we fix this broken relationship???
for me is can,
but how bout u???
i still believe...
hopefully it wont end up like tis
=(
i dowan !!!!
GOD:
please help me!!!
tell me wat to do......
anywhere u told me tat u stop to read my blog,
it's like meaningless for me to continue this blog....
=(
but i know it's vry tough for u to read my blog,
coz after u read my blog sure vry sad....
so u better don read it...
at last,
i hope everything will be ok...
i wan a "happy ending"
GOD:
please help me!!!!

i N.E.E.D you Boo/DEAR....

i N.E.E.D you boo,
i gonna see you boo...
you are so...
"SWEET & CUTE"
you're my SWEETHEART,
i'm so glad to recognize you....
YOU're the only 1 that i LOVE
!!!!
you mean to me,
DEAR,
you're my all...
seriously...
i'm into you,
your everything make me fall in love to you,
not only ur beauty but ur everything
!!!
i don't want nobody else,
but only you...
i gonna have you
&
i'm so impatient...
i'll WAIT for you
!!!!
" YOU KNOW I CARE FOR YOU "
" YOU KNOW I WON'T LIE TO YOU"
" YOU KNOW I'LL BE TRUE "
" YOU KNOW I WOULD TRY TO BE YOUR EVERYTHING "
" I SWEAR TO YOU "
....
i don't need other women,
i only need you...
you are the " best part " of my life
!!!!

anywhere i'll wait for you,
i NEED you boo
!!!!

HEART's Rain...

my msn & facebook are always on,
i'm still waiting...
for ur reply
....
but there's no any reply from u
T.T
my heart can't stand for the pain anymore,
there's a rainstorm found in my heart....
my tears falling down now,
u nvr treat me like tis before...
but y
??
T.T
"Can a heart that's been thoroughly wounded continue to love me?"
i'm not blaming u,
just wan to express out my feeling...
since the day u nvr reply my message,
i so damn down,
so damn moody,
so damn sad...
T.T
i know it's my fault,
i shud not spit out those wounded words....
really sorry
>.<
but....
"i just want you to by my side"
there's nothing can relief my words,my feeling...
but my tears...
T.T
i know u have something to say,
but u keep remained speechless....
y??
but...
anywhere there's nothing can defeat me,
i'll still wait for u...
i swear
!!!!
"i just wan to be with you"
!!!

i M.I.S.S you...>.<

i
M
I
S
S
y
o
u
.
.
>.<
I M.I.S.S you
!!!!!
arghhh....
i'm going to mad soon
>.<
when can u get back to chat wit me
???
but i know u nid times,
so i'll still waiting for you.....
no matter what...
i M.I.S.S you like crazy
>.<

WAITING for "YOU"...

so SORRY...
i felt so guilty for the wound words tat i posted yesterday...
i have a drink justnow,
it's been a long long time i nvr drink...
i drank a glass of "margarita" justnow,
my whole face turned to red but don worry i nvr drunk...
anywhere...
i just waiting for ur reply,
i think it wont be going worse again...
i guess everything will be fine,
seriously...
it wont make u sad again,
it wont make u feel down again...
everything will go smooth...
so i'll wait for u,
see YOU
!!!

" MISUNDERSTOOD "

it's an
" misunderstood "
between
" ME & YOU "
...
u know wat i wan from u,
u are the 1 who wan to leave at 1st....
u still remember???
but now u say
i'm the 1 who wan to dumb u???
how come
???
i think u know that
i really really
" LOVE "
you....
without u,
my life stucking,
my life so sucksss.....
my life like lose something....
but...
i tot u the 1 who said
"both of us are different world"
???
rite
???
and i told u 1 last thing last week....
if we got chance,
we sure will meet up again....
but u reply with
" NO "
!!!!
so wat's it mean???
i DAMN blur now......
i need an explanation....
anywhere...
i nid a
"CHAT"
with you....
seriously,
i'll wait for ur appear....
i really wish that things wont go worse...
anywhere i'm FINE now,
&
1 more thing...
i never smoke....
yup...
i never smoke
!!!
don worry
^^
stop crying
!!!!
i'll wait for u....
see you
^^

FEELing Miserable.......

u said u nid my
"CARE"
but bcoz of distance...
i can't provide a good care to u....
i ask u to wait for me,
and actually u ask me to wait for u b4 too.....
but now u oled remorse,
u can't wait for me anymore.....
i ask 1 last chance from u,
but u ignore...
so...
it seems like
"We're only reluctantly being together"
i dowan hurt u anymore....
I’m just scared that I can't withhold my tears

i really wish that i still got chance to
"BE WITH YOU"
but i know it's gonna
"TOUGH"
.....

speechless....

wat to say

???

dono...

got nothing to say...

"tears & mood"

can express out my feeling now...

i'm started to hate

"L.O.V.E"

!!!!!!

plss....

no love again ok?!

=.=

i played 1 quiz yesterday bout my career result,

and my love result oly 40%...

so it means tat i got no fate in love

=.="

i dowan find another lover,

hate

"L.O.V.E"

!!!!

" L.O.V.E "

" L.O.V.E "

i dono how to describe bout

"love"

anyway i try to use these few phrase to describe it,

to emphasize it....

"love" is horror,

"love" is brutal,

"love" is blind,

"love" is irksome,

"love" is an ironic,

"love" is a curse,

"love" is fear,

"love" is a delusion,

"love" is fatal,

"love" is very frenzy,

"love" is so irritable,

"love" is just like a rivalry,

"love" is just like a war,

"love" make people go insane,

"love" make people remorse,

"love" make people became wrath,

"love" make people felt depressed & despair.....

anywhere...

it's hard for me to

" BELIEVE in LOVE"

anymore...

>.<

wont find another lover....

"LOVE"

is so suckSSS

!!!!

it's END

"24th July 2009"

it comes to

"THE END"

i'll remember this date...

finally...

finally u have expressed out ur feeling....

anyway it's great to heard that...

at least...

it's still early yet,

but...

i wan to apologize to u that...

i'm so sorry for wasting ur time,

u court me for up to 1year++.....

we almost get to the deeper level,

but it's too bad..

we can't continue it....

sry...

coz i can't "take care" of u,

really sorry...

u just nid a "care" by me,

but i cant provide it to u....

coz distance really hurt........

sry....

really sorry...

anywhere mayb tis's a arrangement by GOD,

i can't avoid it....

this's the fact,

i must accept it....

tat's it....

i cried the whole nite long,

it's so sad...

but i know this's a good decision...

you did a good job,

we really shud break now....

if not,

u'll be more hurt in the future...

anywhre...

just delete all my photo,

forget bout the past

&

concentrate in ur future....

anywhere...

really sorry for hurted u and wasted ur precious time...

i'm really "reluctant" to leave,

but after u choosed this way...

so i just accept....

i know that...

how much "redemption" i made oso cant hold u bek.....

bcoz of "distance"

i heard ppl said b4....

"if a truth love,they doesnt care bout distance"

"if we are meant to be,& we'll be together again"

but i'm truly understand ur meaning...

i dowan hurt u anymore....

anywhere just ignore my future,

this is my business and not ur business...

just take care of ur own stuff,

don waste ur life...

many guy who is...

better than me,

handsome than me,

cute than me,

got a sweet smile than me....

they are all waiting for u,

they can provide a 24hours "care" to u....

so just be with them....

before we end our conversation yesterday,

and i did said 1 thing...

"if we got chance/fate and we sure will meet up again to continue our LOVE"

but u reply with

"NO!!!!"

start from that moment,

my heart was 100% melt and break....

i cant even think tat u'll said that,

it means u really forget me,

and u are oled 100% lost feeling on me....

maybe..

"smoke" is the oly way can let me go through my future....

anywhere live ur life,

just keep it up ur life...

u can do it...

since u dowan "be with me" if got cance/fate....

so i wont care bout u anymore,and u don care bout me...

we got our own road to go...

since u have choosed this way,

and don felt regret...

i know u wont...

finally i know ur answer,

i got ur answer...

i know wat u thinking bout now,

i realised...

at last,

before i end it up....

i just wan to say,

THANKS for all the nice "memory"...

i'm happy with that..

yes...

i'm crying now...

but mayb tis's the last time i'll cry....

THANKS for given me every nice hope....

u have make up my life,

i felt so confidence to continue living in this world..

seriously....

"before meet you,

it's like i live in a hell which's full with darkness....

but after meet you,

u have cheer up my life....

my life was full wit hope and i'm started to have confidence in myself...."

"bcoz of you"

i got today...

THANKS so much....

i really hope that "i can be wit you"

honestly...

but i know u wont accept me anymore...

so watever,

yup..

i'm really stubborn,

it make my chips become more harder and stronger...

somethimes something that make me get deeper into it,

i'm really hard to give up,

just like the love between me & u....

i hope that everything can restart again,

coz i just wan to "be with you"

but i know u wont accept it...

so

"BYE my DEAR"

cheer up

!!!

u can do it

^^

"goodbye"

"THANKS" for the memory

&

"SORRY" for given u empty stuff

>.<

BYE....

" GOODBYE" ???

i lie down on my bed around 2am yesterday midnite,

but guess wat is the real time i got into my dream......

is around 6am like tis

=.=

y huh???

y like tis???

coz i keep thinking bout u,

i look at ur photo...

and my tears falling down

X.X

i know u oled at ur "home sweet home" now,

but u dowan open ur msn and send a message to me....

u dowan even open ur computer,

coz u dowan to see my face...

tis time u really very struggle to forget me,

ok...

good...

speechless...

yesterday i listen to FM radio station,

listened a few song is bout "love",

and the ending is "sad"...

is mostly all about

"GOODBYE"

=.=

i started to think our future,

and i pretty sure that tis year u bek m'sia is the "last meeting" between us...

i know...

i can't change the fact,

i must force to admit it....

watever....

just dono wat to say

>.<

i know how much the "redemption" i have did oso not enough to secure our "love"

anywhere...

just wait and see the arrangemen from

"GOD"

=.=

Can a heart that's been thoroughly wounded continue to love me???

i just want to say.....

i just want to say.....

" i miss you "

" i was so DAMN worry about you "

" I LOVE you "

these's all wat i want to say to "YOU"

.........

>.<

i treat u like an "angel",

but you treat me like a "stranger"???

y??

i know you oled reach canada,

but y you are so stubborn??

y u dowan send a messages and tell me you are safe now???

are you really want to treat me like this???

i getting stray & stray,

i lost direction...

i'm losing balance...

i'm constantly hovers,

coz i dono wat's ur situation now...

>.<

i'm speechless bcoz of ur attitude to me....

anywhere...

i'll still wait for ur message...

hope that ur situation is fine now,

cheer up

!!!

^^

The Realization

y wat u tot me yesterday keep appear in my mind???

y

???

"friend"

&

"we are both from different world"

Y

???

can give me the answer

???

i cannot cheat myself here again,

i must tell the truth...

i must express out my feeling now,

but don worry...

don worry...

i nvr cry

^^

i told myself b4,

try not to cry......

coz cry cant solve the problem...

last time is u the 1 who trying to court me,

but then now is contray...

change to me go and court u,

hahaha....

i just felt like u started to lose feeling on me oled,

i donolah...

i just simply guess....

but now...

i'm truly understand wat u mean,

i knew wat u wan now....

i knew tat u are a "good lover"

u are a "great girlfren"

u wont request much from ur bf...

wat u wan is only

"CARE"

yea...

is only

"CARE"

it's so easy...

i can provide a 100% "CARE" to u,

but too bad...

as u said b4,

we are both from "different world"...

so i can't provide a 24hours care to u....

tis's wat i have "realized & understood" why u said both of us better become a "friend"

finally i understood...

i won't "blame" u again...

i swear

^^

i swear....

i won't hurt u anymore.....

but still the same word from me,

if i got a chance..

i'l restart our relationship,

start from frens until a

"Great Couple"

^^

but too bad....

mayb u cant wait for a new relationship oled,

i dono....

i know u hope u can be with me forever too,

but distance really hurting us...

^^

anywhere try to think positive

&

mayb u shud slowly slowly quit...

i knew tat everytime u saw my picture,

ur tears will start to drop down...

don't do tis again,

my heart will pain

^^

so i swear i wont blame u again,

last time it's too many "misunderstood" between us....

but hey!!!

at least we still a fren rite???

hahaha

but can i request more from u???

"can we become a best friend"

??

hahaha...

but i pretty sure tat u know wat i wan from u,

but i know u can't accept...

is ok...

i understand

^^

mayb i shud disappear in ur mind,

so then u'll easily forget me and find a new LOVE....

hahaha...

now i realised,

"distance really hurt"

>.<

anywhere if u bek m'sia,

i hope we can have a great chat everyday,

mayb we can do some exercise together...

jogging,

flying kite...

i'm sorry

>.<

i can't stand for it anymore....

tis time my tears drop down ,

i was trying so hard to avoid my tears from dropping down...

but i only can stand for few days

=.=

wat a "poor guy"

=.=

"useless guy"

anywhere...

mayb tis time u bek m'sia is the "last time" u bek,

or

mayb it's ur last time to meet with me....

i dono,

honestly....

i just dowan it end up like this...

seriously men...

but distance really hurt...

anywhere...

sorry...

coz i can't provide a "CARE" to u,

sorry

>.<

actually got 1 thing keep stunting me in my mind now,

that's is...

if tis time u bek m'sia,

i really dono wan to meet wit u or not...

" IF MEET WIT YOU"

1) mayb our relationship will get deepper...(good)

2) but mayb it'll hurting u coz after u bek to canada,u sure wil vry reluctant to leave me...(bad)

3) when u bek canada tat time,u'll feel vry lonely coz i cant accompany u...(bad)

"IF DON'T WANT MEET WITH YOU"

1) mayb u'll feel very SAD,coz can't see me one last chance...(bad)

2) mayb u'll vry down when u bek to m'sia, but after u bek to canada u'll feel happy coz i started to disappear in ur heart...(good)

3) it's a bad decision, coz i nvr give u a good memory when u bek m'sia...(bad)

so how???

i really dono...

anywhere just let u choose,

i'll conform ur chosen,

i'll do watever u like

^^

but i vry worry bout u now...

u reach canada oled??

is oled 1 day...

u told me after 1 day and u'll be reached canada,

so pls send a message to me if u reach canada....

^^

SPEECHLESS~~

yes

!!!!!!

finally u replied my messages...

finally u have chatted wit me despite it's less than an hour,

but i'm totally felt great...

coz i miss YOU so much,

u told me,

u got no courage to chat wit me....

swt

=.=

y lah???

i won't eat u oso,

haahaha....

anywhere the "main thing" in our conversation justnow tat keep harassing me until now is "FRIEND"...

u said we just can become a "FRIEND",

i tot u love me so much...

aiksss....

i really dono wat u thinking,

wat u thinking is unpredictable.....

then u just told me both of us are "different world"

argh....

!!!!

i dono wat to say....

anywhere i'll still redeem & redeem coz i know i still remain in ur heart,

unless u oled forget who am i 1 day...

then i'll quit tat time

^^

anyway "friend" this word will not harass me for long term

^^

as i said b4,

think positive!!!!

hahaha...

i rather to treat everything as a

"new start"

i rather to restart our relationship rather than continue wit a halfway love

^^

but...

but......

"tis time i can feel that u really wan to quit oled"

"last time is u the 1 who wan me to quit coz u dowan me so suffer"

"but tis time i can feel that u wan to abandon me"

"but is oklah,just do watever u like"

agree???

i'll still support u

hahaha...

we promised to each other b4,

study hard

!!!

i have promised to u,

and

u don break your promise too

^^

i know u can do it

^^

say no to cry,

hahaha...

"Smile will Overcome Every Problems"

agree???

hahaha....

so just keep it up your life by

laughing...

and

laughing...

^^

oh yea...

remember reach Canada oled please send a message to me,

i'll wait for ur message

^^

CHEER UP

!!!

b4 i end my blog...

still remember this word

愛しています

???

u see!!!

i still remember!!!

hahahaha...

&

i know wat it means

^^

i "NEED YOU" so badly!!!!!!

i "Need You" CLOUD

!!!!!

argh.....

argh........

i NEED YOU so badly lah!!!!

i'm so down,

i'm so moody,

seriously....

i'm so down & moody today!!!!

bcoz of my homework....

argh....

i wan to shout,

i wan to give up my homework,

i nid 1 who can really cheer me up now,

& i oly wan YOU to chat wit me....

yes...

is oly YOU,DEAR^^

i really wan u to chat wit me lah!!!!

pls......

when u oly wan to chat bek wit me???

when??

when????

tell me!!!!

argh.........

i going to MAD soon....

stress...

down......

moody......

T.T

homework....homework....

finally i can feel the intensit & toughness of it....

arghh....

but don worry i wont give up so easy^^

coz i know u always support me despite u never chat wit me,

i can feel it...

i can feel soul is surrounding me,

hahaha...

but seriously...

no joke,

no kidding here...

i really wan YOU to chat wit me,

seriously!!!

coz YOU are the only 1 who can really cheer me up

^^

i'll be patient...

hope YOU saw my blog,

i'll be waiting for YOU

"DEAR CLOUD CHAN"

^^

still "WAITING" for your reply.....^^

erm...

dear....

hahaha....

finally i dare to call u "DEAR" huh....

hahaha....

anywhere pls don misunderstood,

i dowan call u dear not bcoz i oled forget u....

the reason is i scare u "dislike"

>.<

sorry!!!

pls forgive me!!!!

hahaha....

don angry yea

^^

anywhere sry for not bloggings tis few days,

coz i kinda "busy"

&

got "stupid but dangerous VIRUS" have intruded my

"lovely laptop"

=.=

but don worry...

everything have been settle down,

everything is fine now

^^

so how are you recently huh?!

still dowan reply my messages??

but is ok....

i know u nid time^^

i'll wait for u^^

as i said b4,

think positive everything^^

but i know u are fine recently,

so it considers a "GREAT NEWS" to me^^

hahaha....

anywhere don worry....

YOU still "remain" in my heart!!

don guess or doubt too much......

i never forget you ok?!

listen here dear....

i nvr FORGET you!!!

NEVER EVER!!!!

ok?!

understood??!!!

hahaha...

i just wonder whether u still "remember me" or not

>.<

hahaha...

but i know i still "remain" in ur heart too!!!

izzit???

hahaha....

erm....

i know u always see my blog......

so i wan to remind u something here,

plss if u on9 & u saw me on9 at the same...

then come and find me inside msn....

coz i dono whether u got on9 or not,

u keep appears off9,

so it's kinda hard to c whether u got on9 or not....

so if u on9 pls send a nudge to me,

i'll wait for ur appear...

coz i got something important to discuss wit u,

really urgent^^

seriously!!!

"I GOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO DISCUSS WITH YOU"

REALLY IMPORTANT,

thanks!!!

i'll wait for u!!!!

BYE

^^

new LIFE, new SOUL, new SPIRIT...but YOU still my "target"

yes!!!!
finally i can think positive rite now!!!!
hohoho....
anywhere got to thx all my frens who cheer me up!!!!
thx so much^^
i was struggling to think everything positive this few days,
and finally i success^^
but there's something i gonna explain here,
to "YOU"
" CLOUD "
yes....
finally i realize wat u mean,
and my mind now is everything positive^^
i started my new LIFE now....
but...
but........
it doesn't mean that i oled forget YOU,
there's no way to let me forget YOU^^
anywhere my "new life" just begins...
&
my "new target" is still....
YOU!!!!
yea...
is YOU!!!!
hahaha....
is YOU "CLOUD".....
no "doubt",
is still YOU^^
anywhere i stop to becomes a "crying baby" tis few days....
i think it vry carefully,
although u dowan me....
but i still gonna live my life.....
coz i know i still got chance,
since YOU still love me!!!
hahaha...
pls lah....
no cheat lah "CLOUD",
i know YOU still love me,
YOU miss me so much.......
YOU decided to leave me,
not bcoz YOU hate me....
not bcoz YOU no feeling in me anymore...
and of coz not bcoz YOU got a bf/new target....
all is bcoz YOU dowan me so suffer,
coz got to wait for YOU for few years until YOU done ur course in Canada....
at 1st,
i really misunderstood...
i tot YOU oled dowan me,
but actually is not.....
hahaha....
anywhere stop advice me to "FORGET YOU"
pls....
no reason for me to do tis^^
unless....
unless YOU found a bf,
tat's it....
YOU faster go & find a bf now lah,
haha....
then i'll really disappear in ur heart,
i'll totally forget YOU!!!!
hahaha.....
so...
i won't FORGET you!!!
&
i'll redeem it!!!
i know still got chance^^
anyway...
i vry happy coz tis time YOU go japan to relax,
and YOU nvr go clubbing huh?!
hahah....
it's great!!!
u really listen to me yea!!!!
if YOU don love me anymore,
y u dowan go clubbing?!
hahaha.....
luckily YOU still listen to me....
anywhere....
i got a new wish here,
i hope that after i done my diploma course & found a job....
and then.....
fly to Canada meet YOU^^
mayb after 2/3years(minimum)....
but must wait till i got a job 1st....
IF u still single lah,
IF u are in the relationship oled...
i wont go & disturb^^
i wish my dreams will comes true!!!!
seriously...
GOD...
PLS HELP ME!!!
last time my wish is to go USA & meet my idol"ALLEN IVERSON"-NBA player,
to get HIS signature....
but now...
i changed my mind^^
anywhere....
i hope YOU can be like me,
try to think everything positive^^
i know YOU can do it..
come on "CLOUD"!!!
YOU CAN DO IT!!!
but if YOU think tat "forget me" is the oly way for YOU to stay rite & think positive....
then YOU just forget me loh^^
is ok^^
i rather to sacrifice myself to let YOU happy everyday^^

" THINK POSITIVE "
!!!!!
" PEACE "
^^

SAD & HAPPY

"day 17"
opss.....
y i stil record down how many days???
hahaha....
i think i really crazy oled....
hey john....
u dono the relationship between u & CLOUD is oled over??
come on john!!!!
ahahaha...
yea....
we oled over rite...
hahaha...
shit!!!!
=.=
erm....
anyway tis few days i dont have a good nite sleep,
tis's serious shit men...
coz u keep appear in my mind,
haha....
i cry like shit men,
hahaha....
OMG...
WTF?!
i oled crazy,
stil got mood to laugh now...
=.=
the reason i laugh is bcoz...
when i reflash bek the story between u & me is kinda funny,
is kinda ridiculous....
i dono whether u still remember or not,
when we start our relationship...
i got ask u 1 question:
"will u regret"?
and then u ask y...
&
i answer by:
"coz both of us is in different country now"(after u bek to canada)"
and then u answer me vry fast:
"wont"
"i wont regret"
"unless u got a gf oled"
wow...
u answer like vry relax,
damn fast to give me an answer....
like 1 answer can mark for the future...
ok...
i trust u....
and really....
after u bek canada,
u nvr find a bf although many guys is trying to court u....
but then recently...
u just told me that,
we can't together bcoz of "time"....
it's like...
it's like.......
u try to court me,
& then u try to dump me....
damn men....
this feeling is damn hurt,
seriously men....
last time,
u try to court me so hard....
u praise me like hell,
keep praising me until i gonna becomes an angel oled....
but then suddenly say BREAK!!!
then i just like suddenly drop from "the heaven to the hell"......
u said u "LOVE my smile",
u said i'm so "DAMN CUTE",
u said i just like a "SUN",
i'm so touched of it....
coz got such a beautiful,sweet & cute girl admire me so much....
coz u are the type of girl tat i wan it,
the type of girl tat i wan is CUTE,SWEET & BEAUTIFUL....
& it's so luckily i found it!!!
i found it!!!
but so wat?!!!???!!!
it's oled over!!!!
somemore.....
u call me must wait for u......
of coz i'll wait for u.....
coz tat time i oled concentrate on u,
&
i started got a strong feeling on u....
i know u damn worry bout me,
damn scare i got a gf in m'sia here....
but i'm not...
i'm still single from last time till now,
my mind just got "YOU"!!!
anyway don misunderstood,
i'm not blaming u.....
i'm trying to express out my feeling.....
and then....
finally we broke....
but luckily it's not too deep yet,
if not....
sure sad like hell coz now i oled damn down & sad....
but anyway i'll try to think positive by thinking tat...
"I'M NOT WORTH"
not u the 1 who not worth,
but it's me^^
anyway.....
it's like....
wat u wan i cant get for u,
u wan chanel handbag??
u wan chanel accessories??
coz i know ur favourtive brand is "CHANEL"
but it's too bad i cant get it for u,
coz i'm still a student...
& i cant efford to it,
coz it's too expensive....
but...
i know u are good,
u damn love me...
u wont let me spend so much money to buy those things to u,
&
u sure u'll buy it urself...
but can't!!!!
i'll feel vry guilty,
coz i'm ur bf,
i shud sacrifice but not u....
wat else?!
anyway it's like...
i'm poor,u rich...
i'm devil,u angel....
i live in hell,u live in heaven.....
it does not match!!!
hahaha....
but i just wan to tell u rite here....
yes...
i know u are rich....
u can get "EVERYTHING" u wan it.....
but i know u lack of "CARE"
i knew it.....
u are lacking of "CARE"
tis's the only thing tat i can do it to u,
i can "TAKE CARE" of u all the time.....
but i still fail to do it,
coz i'm not beside u everytime.....
so ur final decision is still rite......
u lack of care,
and u nid some1 to take care of u,
i can do it,
but too bad i'm not beside u everytime,
and so u choose to give up & stop our relationship....
i just wanna tell u,
"CLOUD陈凯琦"
u did a DAMN GOOD job!!!!
hahaha...
so it's time to leave....
izzit like tis u'll more comfortable to forget bout me???
hahha....
i'm trying to help u....
anyway i was trying so hard to think positive rite now,
anyway...
i know....
you've gone far,far away from me....
and i'll slowly slowly leave now....
i dono whether wanna be a fren wit u or not.....
if i be fren wit u,
i'll keep thinking bout the past....
but if i dowan be a normal fren wit u,
i'll feel like vry wasted,
my soul call me must keep "REDEEM" tis relationship!!!!!
YES!!!!!
i'll try to "REDEEM" it once again....
but i DAMN sure we'll meet up again,
i just wonder if 1 day we accidently meet up...
wat's my reaction?
&
how bout urs too?
hahaha...
strangers?
actually if u really wan to forget bout me,
u better treat me as a stranger...
although my heart will damn hurt,
but just ignore me^^
i'll sacrifice myself^^
anyway go & find a good bf,
don waste it....
many good guy better than me,
and they're more suit u!!!!
they better than me much much more!!!!
hahaha....
i'll try to forget bout the "past"
&
concentrate bout the "present"
but....
but.......
it doesn't mean that i oled forget bout u!!!
no way!!!
"CLOUD"
"YOU STILL DESERVE THE 1ST IN MY HEART"
i won't find other girls so fast yet,
i'll try to "REDEEM" it again & again...
hahaha....
anytime u nvr reply my message,
the feeling is damn hurt.....
but...
if u reply me...
i'll feel like it's useless anymore....
useless...
coz we unlike last time.....
last time we are so close.......
keep calling dear...dear...dear....
but now it's over.....
i really hope the good things will happen,
i keep imagine bout the good things between me & u in the future.....
it's damn nice,
but trust me...
"imagination won't be true"
anywhere no girl in my mind now...
except....
except YOU"CLOUD"...
yup...
except YOU....
^^

I'm not worth

"day 15"
i'll remember today,
although it's a bad day for me....
but at least i know wat u wan^^
yea....
we get a chance to chat for awhile.....
but it ends up with the sad ending...T.T
u told me many things,
but those things are wat i dowan to see it.....
u really selfish yea....
but i know u still love me....
u forced urself to forget me......
but is ok,
at least i realised a lot of stuff today.....
i know if i disappear in ur life is the best way for u to cheer up ur life....
i knew it,
finally i get wat u wan.....
it seems like u started to lose feeling on me.....
but is ok,
i try to think positive.....
i'll try....
i was struggling to redeem our relationship,
but u reject...
is ok...
u told me is bcoz of "time"....
ok...
i listen to u^^
anywhere i still love u,
i'll welcome u bek to my side anytime^^
but....
but i know u wont,
haih...
is ok men....
i know if u stay wit me,
u'll vry suffer....
is ok,
mayb it's the time for me to quit^^
but i just cant forget u!!!
yup,
my tears...
my tears flowing down again & again....
i'm really weak rite?
everytime think bout u,
& my stupid tears sure cant stand for it to flowing down.....
haih...
tis means i really love u,
tat's it...
do u know how much tat i love u??
do u know how much tat i miss u???
but i realised all is worthless oled........
i'm not worth!!!
at 1st i really struggling to redeem back our relationship,
but now i slowly slowly move backward....
coz i know,
i realise,
i understand....
i cant force u to be wit me again,
coz "force" cant bring any good things.....
i shud let u go,
and now...
shit.....!!!!
stop it my tears!!!!
i really shud let u go now....
u wan find a bf???
ok....
just go ahead.......
do watever u like^^
but make sure find a good bf^^
oh yea....
u say u wan freedom.....
izzit u wan to clubbing all nite long???
drinks alcohol & drunk the whole nite?????
okok...
just go ahead,
coz these 2 stuff is wat i have avoid u to do when u still with me.....
but now it's over....
u are freedom now just like those birds....
u can fly here & there,
u can party like rock star,
party everyday, everynite, every seconds, every minutes, or every hours......
it's up to u lah^^
just do watever u like now^^
if u dowan listen to me,
i oso cant do anything,
i just trying to help u^^
last time i used to be ur "idol",
but now it's changed.....
vry fast just like a flash,
u got no feeling in me anymore....
just call me to becomes ur fren now.....
u still remember last time how u trying to court me??
& have a secret love on me for 1year++??
nvm....
is ok.....
i shud not blame u....
anywhere u did a lot of things bcoz of me,
& i really appreciate it....
seriously....
damn it,
my tears.....
u are the 1 who really touched me a lot....
i'll remember u forever,
u wont disappear in my heart....
u still the best!!!
u stil deserve the 1st in my heart....
i'll still welcome u bek to my side anytime,
but i know it wont happen again^^
i must try to think positive,
yup...
i still got to live my life....
u just nid oly few months to forget me,
but i think i nid 1year to forget u.....
seriously...
my life now is like meaningless....
i lose direction.....
but thx for the lesson today,
u taught me alot of stuff....
i have learned and realised a lot of things....
i know i cant give u any good stuff,
we cant be together like tat,
u have oled gone far,far away,
& i'll slowly leave too^^
i won't request any stuff from u again,
coz i'm not worth....
i'm not worth at all,
it's worthless...



......
I will love you with all my heart,
To have forever - never to part.
This is a promise engrained in me,
Take my hand and let it be.
I will go to the ends of the earth
if that is what you need,
Just say yes and let your soul take the lead.
This is a promise at the core of me,
Kiss my lips and let this be.
I will wipe your tears with no questions asked,
No more will your feelings be masked.
This is a promise I make to you,
Look into my eyes and follow through.
I will know how to hold you
just by the look in your eye,
I will never forget -
not even on the day that I die.
This is a promise of my passion for you,
smile at me and make it true.
I will support you even
when I cannot support myself anymore,
I will dig deeper and
find the hidden strength at my inner core.
This promise means I sacrifice all of me for you,
Understand this- and make our lives anew.
I will love you with everything so deep inside,
And to only you - this gift I shall confide.
This is a promise so incredibly real,
kiss me my love and you shall feel.

anywhere just ignore tis poem,
i just put for fun...
i'm started to hate "LOVE"....

"I'M NOT WORTH"
T.T

&
i'll end my blog soon...
mayb after 1/2days.....
the continuous blog will talk more bout u & me....
&
then "the endless story between john & CLOUD" will disappear forever^^
it's no longer exist in tis world....

" I'M NOT WORTH "
T.T