SAD & HAPPY

"day 17"
opss.....
y i stil record down how many days???
hahaha....
i think i really crazy oled....
hey john....
u dono the relationship between u & CLOUD is oled over??
come on john!!!!
ahahaha...
yea....
we oled over rite...
hahaha...
shit!!!!
=.=
erm....
anyway tis few days i dont have a good nite sleep,
tis's serious shit men...
coz u keep appear in my mind,
haha....
i cry like shit men,
hahaha....
OMG...
WTF?!
i oled crazy,
stil got mood to laugh now...
=.=
the reason i laugh is bcoz...
when i reflash bek the story between u & me is kinda funny,
is kinda ridiculous....
i dono whether u still remember or not,
when we start our relationship...
i got ask u 1 question:
"will u regret"?
and then u ask y...
&
i answer by:
"coz both of us is in different country now"(after u bek to canada)"
and then u answer me vry fast:
"wont"
"i wont regret"
"unless u got a gf oled"
wow...
u answer like vry relax,
damn fast to give me an answer....
like 1 answer can mark for the future...
ok...
i trust u....
and really....
after u bek canada,
u nvr find a bf although many guys is trying to court u....
but then recently...
u just told me that,
we can't together bcoz of "time"....
it's like...
it's like.......
u try to court me,
& then u try to dump me....
damn men....
this feeling is damn hurt,
seriously men....
last time,
u try to court me so hard....
u praise me like hell,
keep praising me until i gonna becomes an angel oled....
but then suddenly say BREAK!!!
then i just like suddenly drop from "the heaven to the hell"......
u said u "LOVE my smile",
u said i'm so "DAMN CUTE",
u said i just like a "SUN",
i'm so touched of it....
coz got such a beautiful,sweet & cute girl admire me so much....
coz u are the type of girl tat i wan it,
the type of girl tat i wan is CUTE,SWEET & BEAUTIFUL....
& it's so luckily i found it!!!
i found it!!!
but so wat?!!!???!!!
it's oled over!!!!
somemore.....
u call me must wait for u......
of coz i'll wait for u.....
coz tat time i oled concentrate on u,
&
i started got a strong feeling on u....
i know u damn worry bout me,
damn scare i got a gf in m'sia here....
but i'm not...
i'm still single from last time till now,
my mind just got "YOU"!!!
anyway don misunderstood,
i'm not blaming u.....
i'm trying to express out my feeling.....
and then....
finally we broke....
but luckily it's not too deep yet,
if not....
sure sad like hell coz now i oled damn down & sad....
but anyway i'll try to think positive by thinking tat...
"I'M NOT WORTH"
not u the 1 who not worth,
but it's me^^
anyway.....
it's like....
wat u wan i cant get for u,
u wan chanel handbag??
u wan chanel accessories??
coz i know ur favourtive brand is "CHANEL"
but it's too bad i cant get it for u,
coz i'm still a student...
& i cant efford to it,
coz it's too expensive....
but...
i know u are good,
u damn love me...
u wont let me spend so much money to buy those things to u,
&
u sure u'll buy it urself...
but can't!!!!
i'll feel vry guilty,
coz i'm ur bf,
i shud sacrifice but not u....
wat else?!
anyway it's like...
i'm poor,u rich...
i'm devil,u angel....
i live in hell,u live in heaven.....
it does not match!!!
hahaha....
but i just wan to tell u rite here....
yes...
i know u are rich....
u can get "EVERYTHING" u wan it.....
but i know u lack of "CARE"
i knew it.....
u are lacking of "CARE"
tis's the only thing tat i can do it to u,
i can "TAKE CARE" of u all the time.....
but i still fail to do it,
coz i'm not beside u everytime.....
so ur final decision is still rite......
u lack of care,
and u nid some1 to take care of u,
i can do it,
but too bad i'm not beside u everytime,
and so u choose to give up & stop our relationship....
i just wanna tell u,
"CLOUD陈凯琦"
u did a DAMN GOOD job!!!!
hahaha...
so it's time to leave....
izzit like tis u'll more comfortable to forget bout me???
hahha....
i'm trying to help u....
anyway i was trying so hard to think positive rite now,
anyway...
i know....
you've gone far,far away from me....
and i'll slowly slowly leave now....
i dono whether wanna be a fren wit u or not.....
if i be fren wit u,
i'll keep thinking bout the past....
but if i dowan be a normal fren wit u,
i'll feel like vry wasted,
my soul call me must keep "REDEEM" tis relationship!!!!!
YES!!!!!
i'll try to "REDEEM" it once again....
but i DAMN sure we'll meet up again,
i just wonder if 1 day we accidently meet up...
wat's my reaction?
&
how bout urs too?
hahaha...
strangers?
actually if u really wan to forget bout me,
u better treat me as a stranger...
although my heart will damn hurt,
but just ignore me^^
i'll sacrifice myself^^
anyway go & find a good bf,
don waste it....
many good guy better than me,
and they're more suit u!!!!
they better than me much much more!!!!
hahaha....
i'll try to forget bout the "past"
&
concentrate bout the "present"
but....
but.......
it doesn't mean that i oled forget bout u!!!
no way!!!
"CLOUD"
"YOU STILL DESERVE THE 1ST IN MY HEART"
i won't find other girls so fast yet,
i'll try to "REDEEM" it again & again...
hahaha....
anytime u nvr reply my message,
the feeling is damn hurt.....
but...
if u reply me...
i'll feel like it's useless anymore....
useless...
coz we unlike last time.....
last time we are so close.......
keep calling dear...dear...dear....
but now it's over.....
i really hope the good things will happen,
i keep imagine bout the good things between me & u in the future.....
it's damn nice,
but trust me...
"imagination won't be true"
anywhere no girl in my mind now...
except....
except YOU"CLOUD"...
yup...
except YOU....
^^

I'm not worth

"day 15"
i'll remember today,
although it's a bad day for me....
but at least i know wat u wan^^
yea....
we get a chance to chat for awhile.....
but it ends up with the sad ending...T.T
u told me many things,
but those things are wat i dowan to see it.....
u really selfish yea....
but i know u still love me....
u forced urself to forget me......
but is ok,
at least i realised a lot of stuff today.....
i know if i disappear in ur life is the best way for u to cheer up ur life....
i knew it,
finally i get wat u wan.....
it seems like u started to lose feeling on me.....
but is ok,
i try to think positive.....
i'll try....
i was struggling to redeem our relationship,
but u reject...
is ok...
u told me is bcoz of "time"....
ok...
i listen to u^^
anywhere i still love u,
i'll welcome u bek to my side anytime^^
but....
but i know u wont,
haih...
is ok men....
i know if u stay wit me,
u'll vry suffer....
is ok,
mayb it's the time for me to quit^^
but i just cant forget u!!!
yup,
my tears...
my tears flowing down again & again....
i'm really weak rite?
everytime think bout u,
& my stupid tears sure cant stand for it to flowing down.....
haih...
tis means i really love u,
tat's it...
do u know how much tat i love u??
do u know how much tat i miss u???
but i realised all is worthless oled........
i'm not worth!!!
at 1st i really struggling to redeem back our relationship,
but now i slowly slowly move backward....
coz i know,
i realise,
i understand....
i cant force u to be wit me again,
coz "force" cant bring any good things.....
i shud let u go,
and now...
shit.....!!!!
stop it my tears!!!!
i really shud let u go now....
u wan find a bf???
ok....
just go ahead.......
do watever u like^^
but make sure find a good bf^^
oh yea....
u say u wan freedom.....
izzit u wan to clubbing all nite long???
drinks alcohol & drunk the whole nite?????
okok...
just go ahead,
coz these 2 stuff is wat i have avoid u to do when u still with me.....
but now it's over....
u are freedom now just like those birds....
u can fly here & there,
u can party like rock star,
party everyday, everynite, every seconds, every minutes, or every hours......
it's up to u lah^^
just do watever u like now^^
if u dowan listen to me,
i oso cant do anything,
i just trying to help u^^
last time i used to be ur "idol",
but now it's changed.....
vry fast just like a flash,
u got no feeling in me anymore....
just call me to becomes ur fren now.....
u still remember last time how u trying to court me??
& have a secret love on me for 1year++??
nvm....
is ok.....
i shud not blame u....
anywhere u did a lot of things bcoz of me,
& i really appreciate it....
seriously....
damn it,
my tears.....
u are the 1 who really touched me a lot....
i'll remember u forever,
u wont disappear in my heart....
u still the best!!!
u stil deserve the 1st in my heart....
i'll still welcome u bek to my side anytime,
but i know it wont happen again^^
i must try to think positive,
yup...
i still got to live my life....
u just nid oly few months to forget me,
but i think i nid 1year to forget u.....
seriously...
my life now is like meaningless....
i lose direction.....
but thx for the lesson today,
u taught me alot of stuff....
i have learned and realised a lot of things....
i know i cant give u any good stuff,
we cant be together like tat,
u have oled gone far,far away,
& i'll slowly leave too^^
i won't request any stuff from u again,
coz i'm not worth....
i'm not worth at all,
it's worthless...



......
I will love you with all my heart,
To have forever - never to part.
This is a promise engrained in me,
Take my hand and let it be.
I will go to the ends of the earth
if that is what you need,
Just say yes and let your soul take the lead.
This is a promise at the core of me,
Kiss my lips and let this be.
I will wipe your tears with no questions asked,
No more will your feelings be masked.
This is a promise I make to you,
Look into my eyes and follow through.
I will know how to hold you
just by the look in your eye,
I will never forget -
not even on the day that I die.
This is a promise of my passion for you,
smile at me and make it true.
I will support you even
when I cannot support myself anymore,
I will dig deeper and
find the hidden strength at my inner core.
This promise means I sacrifice all of me for you,
Understand this- and make our lives anew.
I will love you with everything so deep inside,
And to only you - this gift I shall confide.
This is a promise so incredibly real,
kiss me my love and you shall feel.

anywhere just ignore tis poem,
i just put for fun...
i'm started to hate "LOVE"....

"I'M NOT WORTH"
T.T

&
i'll end my blog soon...
mayb after 1/2days.....
the continuous blog will talk more bout u & me....
&
then "the endless story between john & CLOUD" will disappear forever^^
it's no longer exist in tis world....

" I'M NOT WORTH "
T.T

WHAT IS GOING ON TO YOU????!!!!!!

"day 14"
i really dono wat are YOU thinking about....
YOU did the same things to me again & again...
send message to YOU but no reply,
add YOUR facebook but dowan accept....
wat's strong to YOU??!!!
YOUR status is still remain unknown now.....
do YOU know how much i miss YOU?
do YOU know how much i worry bout YOU in japan now??
i still waiting for YOUR reply...
i'm extremely moody today.....
i dono wat to say...
wat i wan to say is:
i MISS YOU so much,
tat's it....
" I STILL BELIEVE "

I want you to be with me through out my life,
I can't tell you why. I don't have an answer............

I want you to be with me through out my life,
Something in my soul tells me to love you...............

I want you to be with me through out my life,
I will love you no matter, regardless of what the world tells me to believe in.....

I want you to be with me through out my life,
I will love you because I believe in you..................

I want you to be with me through out my life,
I will love you because I believe in us.....................

I want you to be with me through out my life,
I believe in true love...............................................!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU are in the japan now!!! behave!!!

"day 13"
is too bad can't get the time to chat wit YOU,
but at least YOU replied my message....
tis's the conversation from YOU in msn:
cloud " tan" says:
forget me~
plz~
u shul give up
i understand
sorry
I'm in Japan now
I will try my best to forget you
Thank you for giving me a beautiful memories
and blog~
^
tis's wat YOU replied to me???
tell YOU wat,
my tears flowing down but luckily not cry....
i must be tough...
wat i wan to know now is,
YOU go japan urself?
alone there?
i DAMn worry bout YOU now,
japan many bad guys...
YOU better don clubbing and drinks there....
"crystal" said u oled used to it,
YOU traveled to others country urself before....
i DAMN worry bout YOU,
i'll wait for YOUR reply again....
& wat YOU have replied me justnow,
i won't note in down....
i know YOU forcing urself to forget bout me,
but y??
y YOU force urself??
anywhere i vry sure that we'll still meet up again....
as i said before distance is not the problem,
the problem now is time....
we still got a lot of time now.....
i know we'll meet up 1 day,
mayb before the deadline 28th june 2010....
i'm looking forward to it....
u call me to forget bout u,
u cal me to give up.....
still the same word from me,
"unless YOU found a new bf"
or else i won't give up...
seriously...
i'll wait for YOU,
& pls reply my every single message...
i'm waiting for YOU,
tell me YOUR status in japan there....
i vry worry rite now....

i just wan to know YOUR answer...

"day 12"
wat i know bout YOU now is....
YOU are trying to forget bout me....
trying to stay away from me....
ok...
fine!!!
i just wan to tell YOU:
"I LOVE YOU"
"i aint leave YOU like this"
"I GONNA BE WITH YOU"
but now the problem is YOUR status is still unknown!!!!
ok yes...
i understand,
we have promised to each other that wont chat for 1year...
okok....
rite...
i broke the promised...
this's bcoz i MISS YOU,
i still believe tat we still got chance to meet up again!!!
i was so struggle trying to think positive,
but....
some1 dowan coorperate wit me...
so SAD!!!!
how come??
i leave a message in YOUR msn,live messenger & facebook....
but i cant get the reply=.=
i still waiting for ur reply...
i guess YOU have received my message justnow...
hopefully tat YOU'll reply me soon...
sometimes things can be settle vry fast,
unnecessary nid 1 year time to settle it down....
if we keep delay until the deadline,
but then we still cant forget each others...
mayb the ending will be vry miserable,
will be vry sad....
so pls give me the answer.....
anywhere i still believe we got chance to meet up....
i really struggle to redeem our relationship,
but it's ok for me^^
coz YOU sacrifice more than me!!!
i still believe...
i know we'll meet up again at the end,
but mayb we nid times...
times is the problem now,
not distance!!!
tat's all....
i wait for YOUR reply....

Neagative mind...=.=

"day 11"
i got a bad feeling & negative which's YOU really trying to forget me=.=
damn....
damn it....
y?
nono...
cannot blame YOU,
is me the 1 who call YOU to forget bout me=.=
haih...
dono how to express out my feeling now......
GOD...
tell me wat shud i do!!!!
wat shud i do now is follow & accept wat have been arranged by GOD,
i'l respect it....
T.T
i know YOU started to forget me,
i started to disappear in ur life....
mayb it'll be good to YOU^^
i rather be sacrifice myself,
as long as it can cheer up YOUR life in canada there....
may FORCE be with YOU^^

YOU all are trying to stay away from me???

"day 10"
y??
y???
y YOU all did tis to me???
i leave a few messages in YOUR fren msn chat box while she's off9,
but she nvr reply....
don u tell me she nvr on9 recently???
&
y YOU nvr on9 recently?
trying to stay away from me???
trying to forget bout me???
ok,fine....
hopefully wat i imagine is false=.=
or YOU are trying to focus on ur studies???
if yes...
then tis's great!!!!
anyway i miss YOU so much,
pls show ur appearance!!!!
arrgghh......
i going to mad soon...!!!!